Some poor horse is walking around in his socks. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? Q: What do you call a scary female horse? 3. Back to: Animal Jokes. Man in disgust says,” Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning.” The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. Page 2. Q: Why did the horse cross the road? The owner of a racehorse is angry. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28! 'I don't mean to brag,' says one of them 'but out of the 20 races I've had so far, I've won 11 of them. A horse walks into a bar. Charlie started to break all of Pat’s records and Pat was a little upset with this. 10 Terribly Funny Horse Jokes Just for Dads Share. My horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pyjamas. He’s having a quiet drink by himself when a thoroughbred race horse joins him. The cowboy wipes the … 'One-two' was one too. They’re injecting you with a drug … I was taking my time at the race I was like 12th or 13th not caring too much. Says the third 'I've had 50 and won, There was a race horse named Pat, who was one of the greatest race horses to ever live. A pony near here has a sore throat. Doctor jokes. He kicks the horse and asks, “WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. A: Because somebody shouted hay! Feel free to go on. "Vodka, but I'll take the whole bottle." He rides all day and starts to nod off in the saddle when he notices he is about to ride straight over a cliff. Searching his memory, he yells to the horse, “Hallelujah! The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem! Because he had two left feet. List Of Best Racing Jokes. The Horse Race "Welcome to the Sunnyvale Horseracing Track, I'm your announcer Richard Small. > Expert Blog > 10 Terribly Funny Horse Jokes Just for Dads. We've collected the best of race horse jokes and puns just for you. The bartender asks him "Why the long face?" The second one then says "I think my life is worse than yours because I wake up at 8:30 and I can't shit!" One of them starts to boast about his track record. Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!". A race horse will not wear underwear because they said it rides up on them. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!" 3. Joke of the day - The young male race horse came is the best Joke for Sunday, 16 August 2020 from site Smilezilla - The young male race horse came. A donkey is sitting at a bar after a long day’s work carrying kids around on the beach. A horse walks into a bar. ", The first horse says to the other two "You know something funny, today I was wearing number three in my race and I came third". April … A friend has a horse which will only come out after dark. The other horse says, “Funny, I felt a pinch in my hindquarters before the race that I won.” A dog walking by says, “You idiots, you’re being doped. Hallelujah!”. Why couldn't the horse dance? The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race. Tomorrow’s the last race of my career. The funniest horse jokes only! 1st joke Some race horses staying in a stable. After a while, Charlie decided to retire after an extremely successful career in racing. ''Is that it?' All the stats, form and information about race horse - Jokes available at RACING.COM – The first destination for Australian Horse Racing. Christmas jokes. A neigh-bor. Two race horses are talking after a big race. "Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28! ''You think that's impressive?' Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses? "That's nothing!" the bartender asks. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. "I've won 24 of my last 30 races!". See TOP 10 horse jokes from collection of 37 jokes rated by visitors. Facebook Twitter Pinterest Email. The man clutched his chest and fumbled for the telephone to call an ambulance, fearing that he was having a heart attack. The collection is done, and when the pastor goes shopping, he only has enough for a donkey. There are some jockey neigh jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. HORSE JOKES! After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.<, One horse says to the other,” Man, when I was running I started to feel a sharp pain in my backside and it made me start running way faster for some reason.”, I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh fuckers shouting "Come on My Face. He’s a little hoarse. A cowboy walks into a bar and has a seat. Three race horses are in the stable having a conversation. Providing you do that, you'll be fine." Back to: Animal Jokes. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!" "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. Pat saw this horse and watched him race. The horse grinds to a stop just at the edge of the cliff. Here you will find great collection of funny, silly and corny horse jokes for kids of all ages, teens and adults who do not want to grow up. These jokes are safe for kids of all ages! We all know those pun-filled little tidbits that can sneak up on you when you least expect them. Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!" Sports Horse racing. The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. What do you call a racehorse that is guaranteed to win? A horse walks into a bar. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". Stable tennis. After a long time of racing, he retired to an old stable with some old friends. The owner of a racehorse is angry because the horse he paid so much money for has yet to win a race. Just in time, he shouted “Amen!” and the horse stopped a few inches from the … When they arrived the donkey noticed that the horse had a lot of trophies and medals all across the walls, he asked him: A rural pastor had trouble getting hold of enough money for church roof repairs. I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five. If I lose, they’ll send me to the glue factory. Whinny feels like it. Now, I’m still a pretty good racer, but I think we both know t. An old, crotchety farmer woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. At this point, a fed up racehorse pokes his head round the corner and says "You're both, The first man says, "When I get up at 6:00 AM, it takes me a half hour to pee. "That's nothing, I've won 19 of my last 27," said another. The trial began in Lake Charles, Louisiana of a jockey accused of hiding his horse in dense fog to win a race at Evangeline Downs. Blonde jokes. A race horse who has never won is told by his jockey that if he doesn’t win that day, he’s going to have to start pulling the milk wagon early next morning. I saw a horse … One horse says to the other,” Man, when I was running I started to feel a sharp pain in my backside and it made me start running way faster for some reason.” The other horse replies,” The same exact thing happens to me too, man. "Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?" After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. 36. Appearance Eating Sports Horse racing On his retirement. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. JOKES TOP 10 JOKES 4 YOUR SITE RECEIVE IN YOUR EMAIL: VISITED HORSE. He replies. One-one won one race, and One-two won one too. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Some race horses stay in a stable. After the races he went home and recounted his very exciting day to his father. When the race begins, the horse is asleep! Sherbet. I'll name it "My Face" so when it's behind everyone will be screaming "Come on My Face!". Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. "Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse." A: A nightmare! He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. Q: What do race horses eat? One of them starts to boast about his track record. Are you a horse? So the crowd started calling him arrogant as he couldn't get off his high horse.. when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Short jokes. Laughs another 'I've been in 35 races and won 20 of them! "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t. A man has a racehorse who never won a race. The first dog says "I've won six of my last ten races". submissons by: Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30. “Listen to me,” the man says, grabbing the horse by the harness. "What can I get for you?" The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. Yay or neigh? The old horse says, “Kid, I have a favor to ask. and I won!" The Mega list of every clean horse joke out there!!! And then I suddenly felt a sting on my ass, I sprang forward and before I realized I fished the race 1st. Policeman jokes. It’s a nightmare. This greyhound walks up to the two horses and says, "Scuse me but I couldn't help but overhear you guys. The first horse says: "You guys won't believe what happed to me in the race today! ". More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. really loudly in the horse's ear. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face. Funny horse jokes. See you next year... Hmm, maybe I should start giving my race horses normal names. Enjoy these hilarious and funny race horse jokes. What’s the hardest part about drag racing? Nonetheless he buys the donkey and enters it int. The second dog replies with "That's nothing, I've won fourteen of my last twenty races". "I arrived at the fifth race and looked at the program. The other horse said, "No kiddin' yesterday I was in a race and the same thing...I figured 'screw it', I ain't runnin' and half way around the track...WHOOSH! When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and, They are both boasting to each other about their racing victories. So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. ", Just to hear punters shout, “Come on my face”. Funniest Horseracing Jokes. Unknown newspaper. Theres three old men sitting on a bench, the first one says "I think I have the worst life here because I wake up at 8:00 and I can't piss!" They sit down at the bar ask for a drink and start talking. When does a horse talk? Thanksgiving jokes. Horse Racing Joke 10 A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Slow RaceHorse Joke. HORSE . 2. Friday jokes. I've tried meditation, yoga, vitamins and nothing wor, A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. Following is our collection of Jockey jokes which are very funny. The second horse immediately puts down his achievement by telling the group he's won 11 of his last 15 races. Ive just been having the worst luck at the track. Running in heels. Click here for more information. Lawyer jokes. Horse Jokes. 1. Two race horses were sitting at a bar having a few beers when one turns the other and says. Everyone loved to watch them. This funny collection of friendly and good jokes, riddles and puns about horse are clean and safe for children of all ages. Tommy looks at frank and says, "I don't know what it is frank. The young man was so excited that he decided to go the race track and with the rabbi's blessing, he decided to check the program and place the entire 20 dollars on a horse. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him, The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. Interrupts the third horse. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.” The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck. ", says another. Two racehorses are in a bar getting drunk. asks the donkey. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country. Kids will laugh out loud when they hear these jokes about horse! What is a horse's favorite sport? Once it started, the jockey couldn't control it as it veered off track. A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: “Man, you’re a cheetah” and the cheetah says: “Naw man you’re a lion”. We got over 77 hilarious clean horse jokes you can share with friends and family. A: Fast Food. “Why are you sleeping?” asks the jockey, to which the horse replies, “because I’m going to have to get up early in the morning.” WARNING: If you are not from Europe you might not get this. Click here for more information. Horse Jokes: 10. Then stop horsing around and read some of these hilarious Horse Jokes! “You’d better win this race or you’ll be working the farm tomorrow.”.