22 Likes. The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Yeah I tried that with my wife. Be sure to flirt and make this gently! Nuts! she asked the instructor. You dirty sexy minds. -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. 3. Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players! The best sound in golf is the whooshing noise as your golf buddy hurls his clubs ———-I have no trouble hitting the woods… but I struggle get out of them ———-The best way to get better at golf it to take it up earlier in life ———-Improve your golf game by practice, lessons or cheating. 2. One of my friends goes: 'So, you know what really turns me on; when girls talk dirty in bed.' Cause bitch I'll cripple your style. My shaft is bent. Look at the size of his putter. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? This is the way we ball... Lil Flip. “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Choose Home » Browse Quotes By Subject » Funny Golf Quotes Quotes. Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. You won’t be able to help yourself from laughing at these corny jokes. Not that dirty. “It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. 8. Like I get that p*ssy wetter than a dirty sewer. Just show her several positions that are needed to make a goal ball, wait till she makes a mistake and correct her with your own hands. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Take your game to the next level with tips, drills and advice from top Tour Pros and the UK’s top coaches. Copy. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Fantastic 4-some. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. Just how childlike golf players … Because all the other four letter words were taken. The fourth putt! 7. 10 / 10. 5. Dirty wont be having it in this house. 4. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Try choking donw on the shaft. course sometime. Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole. ———-Missing ball. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,”OK where to next?” "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." 3. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. There are a lot of things ahead of golf and I have to go ahead and do those things so I can play golf. clubs. … I'm pretty good with my short putts. 6. When is the course too wet to play golf? Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Showing search results for "Dirty Golf" sorted by relevance. Dirty everythang. You can't be half ass dirty you gotta be all the way, ya feel me? The human soul is like a whiteboard. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? — Bob Hope via sayingimages.com. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. I lay her down and kiss her neck and talk dirty to her. 5. You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. To get you started Quotes for Bros will freshen up your mind for the next minutes with the 32 filthiest, sexiest and dirtiest Quotes of all Time for Bros and their Girls. ———-The best way to reduce shots on the score card is with an eraser. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); And we like to floss, all my diamonds gloss, I represent the dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty South. Bobby Jones. Putter Around. She said: 'Go fuck yourself.' Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us? Aug 3, 2019 - Explore Nicole Garner's board "Golf sayings", followed by 119 people on Pinterest. ), He knows all the golf lingo. Dirty talks allow the body to come to terms with one’s thoughts, imagination, and hearing hence a more erotic experience. 1. 9. Wash your balls. We have a threesome, care to join us? She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Golf isn't first on my list anymore. happen again! Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear. If you golf on election day… Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing." The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Streeter Lecka/Getty Images. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Caddie: Try heaven. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Well at least I heard his name several times. -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." Because it would interrupt their tea time. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? It took one afternoon on the golf … America's one vast golf course these days. Short funny golf jokes - one liners ! Mind if I join your threesome? Lift your head and spread your legs. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. You dirty sexy minds. Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf! Look at the size of his putter. There are no maladies in my golf game. Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost. That's a golf shot." A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”. 61. You've already moved most of the earth. 90. Golf Monthly is packed with all the information you need to help improve your game. A good golf joke or one liner might make your game even better (or at least come to grips with the fact that you’re going to need more practice). What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Funny Golf Sayings and Quotes. Intercourse! You know it's too wet to play golf when your cart capsizes. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" What do you call a lion playing golf? putt." I’m not a bad putter… I just can’t catch a break. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Roarin' Mcllroy On the first tee, Lee turns to Gary … Get in the hole! Everyday I'm Schauffele. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. You think I can't get hood like you, you motherf... Jessie J. Stand with your back turned and drop it. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); By the way, golf is a bit similar to the billiard – it can be an intimate playing, especially if you try to court a girl (what a dirty golf player). Just ask my ex -wives. Submitted by: David. 5 Likes. In case he gets a hole in one. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Funny Golf Jokes for Women Read More » ... See more funny golfing quotes. had to choose, right ? Golf teaches you how to behave. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth. When your golf cart capsizes. Shop a wide selection of designs or personalized a pack with monogram lettering, a favorite saying or artwork. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh. Spread your legs a little more. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? You know? Lee and Gary head out to the golf course for a quick nine holes. Our golf ball packs come with 3 novelty balls. Hilarious Joke: A Woman Joins A Country Club And Played Golf; Joke Of The Day: A Man Takes The Day Off Work; Naughty Joke: The Girl's Round of Golf Just Went Awry; Hilarious Dirty Bar Joke Of The Day: Smart Guy V/S Old Drunkard; Hilarious Dirty Joke Of The Day: 2 Women Were Playing Golf; Hilarious Stupid Sexy Joke: Doctor's Good Decent Assistant Tough Stuff. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles. Why are golf and sex so similar? After 18 holes, I can barely walk. After 18 holes I can barely walk. I said: 'Hey, talk dirty to me.' What did the duck say to the golf ball? You don't see Gretzky skating around going 'there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot.'. 6. 0 of 50. Literary Golf Quotes. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart. 2. Photo: Shutterstock. Can Dirty talk increase sexual pleasure? There are three ways to lower your golf score: take lessons, practice constantly — or start cheating. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. Anyone can clean a dirty board, but only the Son of God can clean a dirty soul. Impartial in-depth reviews of the latest equipment will ensure you buy the best whatever your budget 4. "Golf is my profession. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Because he walked into the wrong club! "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? 1021 matching entries found. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. 7. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 4. Where is the best place to go on vacation? "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Problem Men and Men Problems Golf Handicap Ralph was a smooth operator, and at Southwick Golf Club's annual dance he attached himself to the prettiest lady golfer in the room and began boasting to her. ———-Golf addiction. What does a golfer do on his day off? 23 Comments. On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. Golfer: This is the worst golf course I've ever played on! I found Jesus on the golf course. Golf is a lot like taxes: You go for the green and wind up in the hole. 'You know,' smarmed Ralph, 'they're all afraid to play me. 62. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. ... the bramble, nettle and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Select from the best slogans for shirts, banners, posters, t-shirts, jerseys, signs, warm-ups, locker room and more. Golf Funny Sayings | Golf Lessons […] 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes – Haggin Oaks – Here is a collection of 20 golf quotes – some are inspirational and others are golf sayings that will hopefully bring a smile to your face.